On Being a Stagewhore

It went rather well.

Everyone’s ego was on the line, of course. Your written words are your babies. But, all the criticism was constructive. My piece of crap I wrote for Script Frenzy those many years ago was only ripped apart as much as it deserved. I’ll be happy if, by the end of this, I have an idea of what makes a good feature film script.

The group is really good, too. We all had something ready and we all had our notes prepped beforehand. And, like any human endeavour, it’s really valuable to see how other people approach the same type of work. You always learn something new.

Looking forward to two weeks’ time for the next meeting. When I have more homework to do.

Script It has officially started in Toronto, and I am really looking forward to it. I’ve dragged an old movie script out of mothballs as my choice of project. The script is “Pooky”.

I like the first 11 pages, and bits of the rest, but it was written for Script Frenzy a while ago, and the rush job really shows. Parts of it are, in fact, embarrassing.

But if I’ve learned one thing as a writer, it’s that first draughts are usually shite. The other thing is that it’s always easier to write a better page. (These aren’t original thoughts, of course.)

Everyone else has gotten their pieces in. So it looks like I have a nice bar set to strive for.

Scene: two months earlier. INT. An apartment. Somewhat shabby, like its inhabitant. We’ll call him David.
SFX: A computer beep or ding.

David: E-mail?

Close-up on Facebook page. (Note during pitch. Mention potentially getting Facebook ad money.) The text on the page reads (in colourful large letters) Hey Bud! You wanna write scripts for film? Huh? Does yuh?

David: Say now…

Scene. EXT. The Playboy Mansion (or equivalent). David and the Swedish Bikini Team are around a swimming pool.

David: Why, yes. I did write “My Basketball, Mine Enemy”.

A general murmur of admiration from the team.

Inge: I have a Ph.D. from Uppsala.

David: I knew it!

Scene. INT. David’s apartment.

Close-up on the Facebook page, with the mouse cursor moving over to a button marked “Yes!” and clicking it.

Scene. INT. A hallway, by some elevators.

David is holding a notice in his hand.

Close-up on the notice. It says “Hey Bud. Meeting room A21.”

Scene. INT. Meeting room A21.

This is set up like a small conference room. Inside are a bunch of young, beautiful people. They are dressed impeccably and all of them are holding a steaming espresso cup. All of them have a Macbook Pro in front of them. (Remember to pitch more potential ad dollars here.)

David walks in. He is wearing a torn parka, snowmobile boots, sweatpants and a “Teenage Head” t-shirt. His hair is unkempt and he has five days of beard growth.

Silence falls. Then, when that is established…

David: Uh. Hi buds. This the scriptwriting group?

The beautiful writers all look at each other. One quickly closes their Macbook Pro and sits on it. The rest look at that one, collectively consider then surrender. The leader (let’s call him Beautiful Leader) speaks.

Beautiful Leader: Yeah, bud. Siddown. Espresso?

David takes an empty seat and is handed an espresso.

***************************
Well. I guess I will be joining Script It.

(Events above have been artistically altered to provide a view of life. They are not guaranteed to reflect any real life events.)